I’d be lying if I ever said that I’ve not done something horribly wrong that I needed redemption for. Because you see, hatred and heartache are evil emotions that can completely consume you if you don’t seek out God’s guidance. It took me awhile to figure that one out, but I must say that even when I did figure it out, it still is a battle for me that I walk daily. I’ve been through some rough patches for the past three years, and at one point it was one thing after another. Lie after lie, heartache after heartache and betrayal after betrayal that kept chipping at my heart.
I stooped to a very low place in my life and I did some things and lived some moments that I’m not so proud of. You see, I had gotten to the point where I gave up on God and that was heart wrenching for me because God had always been the one thing I turned to. But as a 20 year old out on my own at college with so many scars and open wounds on my heart, it was just easier in my mind to give in to temptation every once and awhile. I stopped having my quiet time with God every day, I stopped turning to him every time I began to fall apart, I became someone who I honestly didn’t even recognize anymore.
But the amazing thing is that I finally reached a point where I couldn’t hold myself together anymore by material things and temporary moments. I reached my breaking point. I no longer wanted to view myself as the one who lived her life by unfortunate heartaches of the past. Heartaches that literally crippled me every time I thought about them. So, it was then that I ran back to the one thing that had made me feel so safe for what felt like so long ago. I fixed my focus back to God and it was honestly the best decision I’ve ever made. Because sometimes God has to take you past your breaking point in order for you to find your way back to him and the life that he meant for you to live.
Redemption hurts at first because you have to break yourself down. All the lies, heartache and betrayals that have broken you, you have to be willing to sacrifice those hurtful experiences up and lay them at the foot of the cross in order to find redemption in Him. When I did this I found that I no longer could consider myself the victim of such crippling hurts of the past. Yes, I felt that some people had done me wrong, but if I’m being completely honest with myself, I also know that the way I responded to those lies, betrayals and heartaches was anything less than honorable. Which is why I knew that I had to start with humbling myself to God and asking for forgiveness for the things I turned to when I was hurting before I could ask him to heal the wounds that I had left open on my heart by other people. It’s in that moment that you submit the wrong doings of your own as opposed to the wrong doings that others have done to you that you find true redemption and freedom from the bondage of your heartaches.
So, whatever your story may be, whatever heartache is crippling you, and whatever temporary moments of what you think is freeing, whatever that might be, just remember that those moments are only temporarily. Nothing will ever live up to the freedom you will feel as finding redemption through Christ. God turns ashes into beauty (Isaiah 61:3) but you have to be willing to offer up the ashes to God in order for him to turn them into something beautiful.